Tekken 6 review

Balance is a delicate thing, so easily lost. Tekken is a series that thrives on it – on striking a balance between fulfilling its remit as the ‘accessible’ 3D fighting game (button-mashing will get you further here than in most fighters) and offering a system substantial and even enough to allow the hardcore fans to battle at a competitive level. Tekken 5 managed this balance with aplomb, but while Tekken 6 is ostensibly little more than a high-def update, its revisions (of which, to its credit, there are many) are likely to result in it receiving a rather lukewarm reception, from players both old and new.

Beefy roster

With 42 selectable characters, this is the most expansive Tekken yet. It’s a roster size that nears Marvel vs Capcom territory, and although lapsed fans will find a number of familiar faces to cling to, newcomers might find the whole process a bit daunting. Doubly so, in fact, when they pause a fight to check out the command list expecting two flashy kicks and a dragon punch variant, only to be greeted with over 150 different moves of varying complexity.

Now, if you’re not familiar with Tekken, you might be a bit thrown off by its mix of serious-toned, awesome dudes with crazy hair, and the, um, more “flamboyant” characters. For instance, series veteran Roger Jr.:

Above: We love how the baby is striking the exact same pose. Also, who’s the “Jr.”? 

If that’s not weird enough for you, Tekken’s also known for characters such as this guy:

Above: Okay, so he’s a living training dummy. We can roll with that. But what’s up with the chains? And then there are the Children of the Damned glowing eyes… 

Luckily, the new characters mostly avoid ridicule, and have added some much-needed chainsaw arms and alcoholism to the Tekken Roster. Unfortunately, those two traits aren’t fused into one character, as that would officially make any future characters obsolete from the sheer badassness of drunken lumberjacking. Let’s meet a few of the new guys (and gals):

Miguel

Bullfighter Miguel’s sister was killed, so he eases the pain by quaffing copious gallons of liquor and kicking strangers. Awesomely, he does both at the same time, so drunken antics ensue mid-battle! Any similarities to Screech from Saved by the Bell are obvious.

Above: Getting pounded into the street by a drunk is all sorts of embarrassing

Alisa

Alisa is a cyborg who can sprout chainsaws from her arms, grow wings or remove her head. We fancy her madly, seeing as pink hair and sawblades are the best accessories for the most fashion-forward hottie. And removable heads can always come in handy.

Above: Terror cometh in the guise of a dainty, harmless-looking waif

Zafina

Zafina is a bendy young lass who crawls around like a spider-beast. Be still our beating heart! Okay, now beat again. In case you’re not into the whole pink-haired anime thing, this goth girl will surely tickle your fancy.

Above: She’d be handy on a date if you get mugged… especially if your attackers are sub-4 ft children

Leo

We wish, wish, wish we knew whether Leo was a boy or a girl. No one seems to know the truth. Maybe s/he’s a South African athlete? He’s clearly wearing lipstick, and his voice is quite feminine, and yet…

Above: It really doesn’t matter what gender they are when they’re handing your ass to you on a plate formed from your broken teeth glued together