Transformers: The Game review

The second-biggest sucker in the universe is a character in the shabby, movie-based action smasher, Transformers: The Game - it's the main character's dad. The transformer Bumblebee has been ordered to protect an Earth boy named Sam - because they want his grandfather's eyeglasses (honest, we're not making this up) - on the very day that Sam's dad has promised to buy him a car. So, Bumblebee sneaks into the used car lot and somehow brainwashes the kid and dad into deciding he's the best car there, so the dad buys him.

Let's consider that for a moment: he bought a "car" that would have had no title, no registration, no plates, no keys, and that the dealer was probably totally shocked to see parked in his fenced-in car lot. Only Hollywood could create such a chump.

Yet, the bigger sucker still turns out to be you, the player, because Transformers: The Game is a frustrating mess. It seems like a no-lose proposition: we have two entire storylines (one for the noble Autobots, a second (and better) one for the evil Decepticons). We have several gorgeously modeled space robots, and we have serious firepower to blow holes in mostly smashable environments and turn other robots into scrap.  

But it all goes wrong. It's arguably forgivable that every mission is some variation on the formula, "get from point A to point B and blow up X in Y number of seconds" - but when both driving and combat are broken, it's time to transform this into some other game.