How Nintendo Failed The 3DS

The Nintendo DS was a big deal. It was a huge leap forward in terms of controls thanks to the stylus and touch screen, and the games it offered catered to both the 'core' (those are the players whom people in marketing departments like to think of as 'serious gamers') and the 'casual' (40 year old housewives, grand-dads and Paris Hilton).

It offered games like Castlevania, Metroid Prime: Hunters and any number of Final Fantasy remakes to cater to the 'core' and countless Warioware, Phoenix Wright and Nintendogs-style games for just about everyone else.

If you already own a Nintendo DS, needless to say, your needs are being met. There's a reason why there's so many comics out there which make fun of the handheld device's ability to print money, with Satoru Iwata and Shigeru Miyamoto cackling like evil Chucky dolls in the foreground.

Pictured: Reggie Fils-Aime: "You don't own a 3DS? What is wrong with you?"

Enter the 3DS. It's a Nintendo DS, with 3D on it. Few care. The reason is simple: It has no games on it. It may sound like an exaggeration, but purely and simply, the Nintendo 3DS has too few games on it to cater to either the 'core' or even the 'casual'.

The 3DS has a couple of remakes going for it, but there's only so many times you can replay Mario Kart. There's not too many new games—new franchises, or even extensions of existing franchises—to lure the 'core' into picking one up. When the Nintendo DS was launched, the company offered players Phantom Hourglass. It was original to the DS and it offered players a whole new way to control link—by swiping the stylus. It was really cool when the technology was new, and it bought people over.

In contrast, the 3DS gets a remake of Ocarina of Time. It's true that every self-proclaimed "true gamer" who loved the original OOT has asked for a remake, but like Twilight Princess for the Wii (originally for the GameCube), it offers nothing different from the original experience—and honestly, it doesn't do much to showcase the 3DS' abilities as a gaming device. Those who've played it (like me, I have played it) would even argue that trying to aim the slingshot with 3D rendering on is great for causing headaches, not accurate shots. But that's a complaint best left for an actual review. Suffice it to say, the 3DS component adds nothing to the experience.

Pictured: Wii Music, another Nintendo failure.

Super Mario Land 3D is a great game, but many people will never know—because they'll never own a 3DS. One game doesn't even begin to justify the cost of owning a 3DS. The extra gimmicks Nintendo has thrown on with 3D and the augmented reality cards may sound like fun, but in all honesty, I can't imagine playing any one of these toys for any considerable length of time.

Now my good man, what would you like to play? "Pokémon!" Pokeyman?! Pokeyman with the pokey and the man and the thing where the guy comes out with the thing and he walks and falls down the sidewalk awk awk awk.

That's another thing the Nintendo 3DS doesn't have going for it. Pokémon. The Nintendo DS, god bless its mechanical soul, had a good number of Pokémon games going for it at launch, or close to it. The Diamond and Pearl versions of Pokémon, in addition to the Mystery Dungeon roguelikes gave fans plenty to enjoy. So close to the 3DS' release, fans got to get their hands on Pokémon Black and White, also for the DS. Nintendo missed the opportunity to put the new games on the 3DS and given them 3DS-specific controls and visuals. Like new Zelda games, Pokémon titles have been killer apps ever since their inception.

Nintendo's taking a few measures to get people back onboard the 3DS bandwagon, by giving out free games with the Ambassador plan. Unfortunately, it's a plan that only applies to early adopters of the 3DS.

Should you get a 3DS now? Nope. How about the near future? Probably not. Unless Nintendo steps up their game to make the 3DS worthwhile out of the box—with a ton of free games, and new titles you actually want to buy, and play—it's hard not to be dismissive of the device's legacy as a whole. The next few months will see just how well, or how poorly, it holds up against the PlayStation Vita.