Lessons From Gaming: How to Heal

First aid is an important life skill that may prevent you from shuffling off this mortal coil, into the cold embrace of the Grim Reaper where you will remain in anonymous non-existence for all eternity (other afterlives are available). Today we examine various ways to heal yourself after suffering an injury, as taught to us by our beloved games.

Method 1: Eat something

This is the classic video game remedy to physical trauma, encompassing everything from Mario's mushrooms to Liberty City's hot dog stands to the mysterious roast chickens that litter the floor in every scrolling beat-em-up, ever. Healing is invariably instantaneous, curing everything from bullet wounds to spinal dislocation in the blink of an eye.

Does it work in real life? Not really, although it probably won't help you much if you stop eating, either. Trendy middle-class types might argue the medicinal benefits of goji berries, but I'm not sure what good they'll do you when you're taking a beating for being smug.