Luis Suarez is "banned from taking part in any kind of football-related activity (administrative, sports or any other)". So does that mean he can't play FIFA? And if not, who the hell is going to keep an eye on him?
We imagine the Liverpool striker will be allowed to play EA's long-running franchise, though, so chin up, Luis. You can win the World Cup on there instead. It's practically the same. If you go online, too, people will still call you a '****'. Just like before…
VideoGamer realises in hindsight the game should've been PES because 'Suarez hates FIFA'. We've let ourselves, and you, down.
As well as football, we imagine Suarez is banned from biting as well. Given how fond of it he is, that could be a bigger blow than being kicked out of the 'beautiful game' for four months.
With this in mind, Castlevania would be a good alternative as it has Dracula in it. Because he bites people. As he's a vampire.
Yep. That's all we've got.
Still…
Sharks like to bite people. Fact. Jaws is the biggest of the sharks, and therefore, one would assume, both the keenest biter and the one with the biggest bite. Once more we think our old pal Luis will easily find a common ground here, and it will also cheer him up no end.
Why? Because Jaws Unleashed is one of the funniest games you could ask to play due to it being so terrible - everything comes full circle.
Based on a movie by Clive Barker, a significant part of Nightbreed asked that you waggled the stick to run from one end of the screen to the other. If you didn't waggle hard enough, some dude chasing you gets on your ass and sinks his teeth into your shoulder.
Not only could this teach the Uruguayan a thing or two about retro games, but he could stare lovingly at his kindred spirit, all the while remembering when he too was hunting people down and chewing them out…
Pac-Man has got to be Luis Suarez's hero. That mother f**ker literally just tries to eat things all day. The entire point of the game is to put things in Pac-Man's mouth and chew them up.
Maybe someone told Suarez that Pac-Man is where all of today's rules come from. Don't mess with ghosts unless you're high, and bite anything you want.
Makes sense...
That picture says it all, doesn't it? Luis Suarez may even see this image and sue Capcom thinking they have breached his image rights.
The remake on the GameCube is still pretty damn good, too, so at least that'll keep our man entertained. Plus he'll be on the opposite end of the biting. So he may learn a lesson. Because let's face it: banning him from football clearly doesn't help anything or anyone!
Who's next?
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