Hospital Tycoon review

To the 45 million citizens who don’t have health insurance: please accept our most corporate condolences. Everyday we pray that a fluke highway four-car demolition won’t shackle you to an emergency room; then a wheelchair; then a $100,000 bill.

And to show how much we care, we’ll be reviewing Hospital Tycoon: a game that reminds us that healthcare is a business of compassion - a loving empire fueled by new drugs to inject into the newly-diseased.

It’s your time to join the few, the rich, the tyrant capitalists of healthcare. Now begin herding sick specimens into your building. Cure them quickly and you can shovel more cash from their pockets. So what’s the diagnosis? Depending on the infection, you’ll have a variety of cures. You may just need to shuffle them into the pharmacy to stab them with syringes. Or you may need to douse them with radiation. Or your doctors may not be able to decipher what the patient has, so the researchers will need to throw the man into a spinning sphere contraption, and the study will reveal that you’ll need to import some new equipment. Like an acid shower. Or an odor sampler - a premium robot adorned with metallic sniffing noses.