Runaway: the Dream of the Turtle review

Today we'll be heaving flaming boxes of Dream of the Turtle through the living room windows of wealthy white men's homes. Mm-hmm, the homes of pundits and congressmen. Because we're revenging at everyone who has ever squealed nationally about how video games devolve America's youth into mind-fried violence-guzzlers. We're not violent. But we're going to rip your spines out. Mortal Kombat! Doom! Grand Theft Auto! Arggggghhhh!

Ahem.

Playing Turtle reminds you that games can also teach children to be dull. Here's the Turtle pointy-clicky adventure experience: push your mouse over every centimeter of your monitor to FIND every item. Good. Now walk to the next area. Push your mouse over every centimeter of your monitor, and USE every item. Yeah man, you just solved a puzzle. Good. Hey, no slacking! Get back to mouse-shoving. We've still got more than 14 hours left.