Cats! Huh! Yeah! What are they good for? Absolutely…. Hey wait a minute, cats are pretty great. And shut off the Edwin Starr. They’re there to chew off your lips if you die by yourself, for instance, and you get to handle their poop.
For as much as we all do love cats, it’s actually a bit strange that they show up so rarely in video games. You have to dig pretty deep to find games that actually feature them, and for cats as lead characters? Well, you’ll have to see what we found for that one (it’s not pretty).
It might be because cats, while occasionally friendly, aren’t really renowned for being helpful. You know, in ways that might make sense in a video game. They pretty much just do whatever they want and show up when they want something from you. Hang on a minute – that sounds like pretty much every video game NPC.
Header image source: DarrenGeers @ DeviantArt
He’s big, he’s dumb. He has a snowboard. He’s one of Sonic’s friends, but basically nobody else liked him, so he wound up being banished from the franchise.
Just like regular cats, they’re a hassle to take care of. But they come in so many cute colors, and how could you not want one around your Sims’ home to provide warmth, comfort, and the threat of toxoplasmosis? Never mind the occasional hairball.
Back in 1993, Accolade found itself between two warring parents: Nintendo and SEGA. One had Mario, the other had Sonic. So Accolade decided to come up with its own 2D platforming mascot, a cat named Bubsy. Bubsy looked like a cross between Bill the Cat from the “Bloom County” cartoons and, well, maybe Jazz Jackrabbit and performed about as well as you might expect given that mashup. He was terrible.
Blinx was billed as the first-ever “4D Action Game,” because Blinx could manipulate time using a magical vacuum cleaner. This worked pretty well for the time, and Blinx’s vacuum also worked to suck up 55-gallon drums (which to him were “trash;” typical for a cat). This game was actually fairly good, and Blinx ran around in a cool leather jacket.
Dusty seems to be made of starscape, so it’s not 100 percent certain he’s a cat at all. Perhaps a cat-shaped projection of an extra-dimensional being. But in any event, he’s crucial to the game because without Dusty, you can’t actually do the whole “gravity rush” thing at all.
Wherever you go in Animal Crossing, the cats are there, too. You can’t get away from them. They’re not there to help you. They’re just sitting there, judging you. No matter what.
They know where you sleep.
The Han Solo of cats, and undoubtedly the coolest female character in the Star Fox universe. She’s an ace pilot, and while she might not always be handy at the start of a mission, she’s sure to be there in time to get you and your pals out of trouble.
Nobody in Tamriel trusts the khajiit, and that’s probably because they’re cats. And possibly because the most famous one is named M’aiq the Liar. Nevertheless, they’re a fun race to play because, like cats, they’re naturally agile and stealthy. And prone to lying.
Cait Sith isn’t really a cat, he’s a remote-controlled stuffed cat toy. Who rides on the back of a stuffed Mog toy, who also is remote controlled. Cait Sith controls the Mog by yelling at it through a megaphone while standing on its head. No, I don’t really understand Final Fantasy either.
Meowth was way cooler in the television series than in the game, because he’d learned how to talk and was a bit of a snarky bastard once he did. Normal Pokémon don’t get many speaking roles, and Meowth, being a cat, obviously decided to cool stuff with his ability like wear a trenchcoat and be evil.
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