I never had a Sega as a child. The day my parents bought me a Nintendo Entertainment System, my mind was made up. I had picked my side in the console video game war and dammit, I wasn't going to change sides.
This did mean that titles such as Sonic, Daytona and Crazy Taxi were an anomaly to me for years. They weren't Italian. They weren't plumbers. They didn't have moustaches. What this usually entails is when I sit down with one of these, I suck at them. This was the case with DeCap Attack.
Rather than try and explain the concept I've reverted to Wikipedia to sum it up best:
'The player controls a living mummy, named Chuck D. Head, through various side-scrolling levels in an effort to battle an underworld army led by Max D. Cap. Levels contain many enemies and hazards that can harm or kill Chuck, and power-ups to collect; at the end of the last level in every area there is a boss to defeat.'
Sounds simple enough, and pretty much like every platformer you've ever played. And it is. Plus it's pretty good. All the staples from the early nineties are there, and to hide its apparent short running time it can be insanely hard. At least it was for me. Even the most basic of parts kicked my ass, reminding me that on many levels I suck at video games.
Still - it was enjoyable.
When you're shattered after a hard day's work and your eyes are strained from staring at a screen all afternoon, the last thing you want to do is play Super Stardust Delta. Unless you're me, of course, whose inexplicable fetish for modern day shoot 'em-ups has seen me playing through the pain to try and beat those rock hard end of level bo... GAAARGH!
It's an addiction that's appeared out of nowhere, beginning with Resogun a few months after everybody stopped talking about it, building with Stardust and, at the moment, moving on with Sine Mora. They're perfect pick up and play games (granted, Sine Mora perhaps slightly less so) and a wonderful way to while away a commute.
Or at least they are for the most part. Because, you know, when the fate of your Vita is literally in your hands and that trophy for hitting 1,000,000 points DOESN'T UNLOCK, things start getting dangerous.
I'm back on FIFA 14, currently snapping up bargain players for my squad. This week I bought Fabregas, Vertonghen, Koscielny and Cazorla, who took my first 11 to 100 Chemistry with an average rating of 81. I'm pretty happy with the team now, and am ready to once again try to climb up the Ultimate Team leagues - probably failing miserably.
One day I will be good at this game. One day.