Top Tier Tips: By Bye Buy Baby

• ■T3 Mailbox

by WiNGSPANTT - Jun 12, 201119 1793

Apologies for running these so late, but E3 put a huge damper on our ability to handle incoming mail! Do you have a personal disaster you’re unable to solve? Ask Top Tier Tips for life-changing, semi-legal personal advice. New questions are answered all the time; submit yours today!

By the Will of the Just Goddess, Artemis

Dear Top Tier Tips,

Hello. My name is Trevor. I am a vampire and….  ;-)

In all seriousness, and with as little sarcasm as I can possibly muster: how many of your games, WingSpanTT, of Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood do you win by sheer luck? Obviously, you’re skilled, and know what you’re doing, and how to play, etc…but at the same time, in watching your videos I see that you have a lot of ‘lucky’ moments, where dumb players will just sort of wander blindly into your trap…

Why is it (besides cosmic injustice, of course) that when I’ve been sitting in a static group for 5 minutes, my target suddenly stops, bolts in the opposite direction, and when I go to chase them I get stabbed by a guy who’s been standing in the same group for a minute longer than I? There’s no way I could have predicted either of those events, and it happens to me all the time. I’m no noob: I know how to play the game, and I know the strategies and perk uses. Yet Fate itself seems to conspire against me.
So I guess I’m asking: is it just me? Do you ever have terribly unlucky things befall you in the game? Am I playing too many Player matches instead of Ranked ones? What?

Dearest Trevor,

The fact of the matter is that time and time again, I have been proven to be the luckiest man on Earth. Growing up, this trait was particularly useful: the days I forgot to do homework were the same days the teacher was out sick. The one time I get pulled over by a cop, it turns out he’s just looking for someone to give two Yankees tickets to. I guess I just rolled a 20 in that category when I was born.

But when it comes to video games, I have good and bad luck just like anyone else out there, as Artemis cannot smile upon my exploits at every moment. I play rounds of Brotherhood (and, of course, other games) where enemies are seemingly conspiring to converge on me at every second. Games in which all of my plans fail at the last second, and my victories somehow turn on me. But keep in mind: those games would not be particularly interesting to commentate.

Sure, I could post a video of me getting metaphorically raped* while I curse at the TV for ten minutes straight – but of what benefit would that be to viewers? Maybe it would be entertaining, but at least as far as my own style goes, I’ve always felt videos need to be 33% humor, 33% instruction, and 33% thrills. Last-minute victories and epic comebacks simple result in a better viewing experience, in my most humble of opinions.

That said, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood and Spying in Team Fortress 2 are not purely games of skill, but also games of calculated risk not unlike poker. While some events may seem purely coincidental, truth be told there are many considerations I make during gameplay I don’t or even can’t narrate. Call it game sense or yomi or whatever, but sometimes you just feel like “They must be going this way, that’s what I would do” and you take a risk based on that feeling. Occasionally it pays off, and when it does, it’s time to slap it on the internet and reap the rewards of glory.

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

 

Bye to Comprehensible Sentences

Hey, just a simple question,

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Thanks,
Anon.

Dear Anon,

I’ll see your nonsensical question and raise you an image of a cuttlefish:

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

Buy a Binny Roosevelt Today

Hello there WiNG,

It’s been a long time. I have missed you. Onwards to my question!

Is it possible to aquire a pet WiNGSPANTT or a pet Binerexis? If so, where can I purchase one?

-NotWiNG

Dear NotWiNG,

At this time, I’m unfortunately not for sale. While I shouldn’t speak for Binerexis, I will anyway and also decline on his part. Because I can.

While we refuse your offer to purchase us in part or in whole, I wonder if you or any other Top Tier Tactics readers would be interested in T3 merchandise, and if so, what? A sarcastic shirt? A sarcastic mug? Or even a sarcastic crayon set? The possibilities are endless!

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

*The literal videos are indeed posted in unspeakable alleyways of the internet and are the primary source of revenue of Top Tier Tactics.