Bowling for Trolls in Assassin’s Creed Revelations

TIME :2022-06-06

Welcome! Today, I’d like to discuss the finer art of trolling. I don’t mean trolling to be a pain in the ass to the entire ACR lobby. I don’t mean trolling random people, or people who are winning, or even people who are simply playing reasonably well. Hell, that might be more Wingspan’s territory than mine.

No, I’m talking about trolling the folks who plague our lobbies and properly DESERVE to be trolled.

Hear me out. (<walks out from the back> And me, as well.  As a friend of the article writer, I shall endeavour to put in my 2 cents on this subject.  W.)


Choosing a chump

High on my list of deserving individuals are A) players who spend around at least 90% of their time on the rooftops, and take flight just as soon as you climb to the top, leaving you, in first place, with nothing but three pursuers hot on your tail. Also B) players who taunt you after every single kill/stun. Of course, this includes the 100-point rushed contested kill. Their mothers must be so proud.

(Note: this could very well mean a C) to be added to this list – the “rush-killers”, who, even with their possible vast experience earned within the game, can never do more than high-profile-kill their targets.  ALL THE TIME.  Thus, they feel a need to bowl over everyone and everything in their path, to get to their target, without any thought as to stealth, or applying themselves even a little when it comes to variety.  I mean, why are you acting all hasty and stuff – have you not learned anything about this game, or even the series as a whole, at all?! <sigh>  W.)


Now, I might throw some of this back at the offender. I can risk a quick taunt or two, particularly if there’s no one on my tail at the moment. Hell, I’ve been known to do so when there IS (sometimes, death is just fucking worth it) (Indeed, it very well is, at times.  Especially if the taunt comes after stunning said offender.  W.). But oftentimes, all that encourages is yet more pointless taunting. And the cycle repeats itself indefinitely (ad nauseam, infinitum, et cetera… ugh, I really mean it – it’s like a broken record at times, for these folks.  W.).

As for rush-killing the player in question, one will help toward variety, but continuously doing so is only going to get you killed sooner rather than later. And since that’s how the annoying individual is playing anyway (See? Rush-killers ARE part of the aforementioned list.  W.), he/she is likely to miss the point entirely and think it’s just the normal way to play.

This is unacceptable.

Recently, my good friend Wisdomseeker (Ooh, look, I got a mention!  See, I am a friend of the writer.  W.) and myself have begun utilizing a different strategy. A more effective strategy. And, frankly, a more enjoyable strategy. A strategy that, to my knowledge, has worked successfully 84% of the time it’s been used*. (Mind you: we’ve only really used the technique 53% of the time*.  W.) (Shut up, W – no one cares about the finer details –Love, RO).

We like to call it Bowling for Trolls.


Bowling over with laughter

It’s a simple maneuver, and an easy one to master. Simply barge into the poor clueless bastard. Repeatedly. (I feel I have to explain the technique in detail here: simply hold down high-profile and run at, around, and through your “target”.  You can use sprint if you like – I’ve done so with ability sets that include Hot Pursuit as a perk; it’s rather effective, and distracting, with the speed trails.  Also, add the “shouldering” button every so often, to really barge your “target”.  W.)

It doesn’t matter how much you die – a single game can suffer if it means getting rid of a particularly annoying player who is ruining the game for everyone else. (And trust me, one can even still come out on top or in the top 3 whilst performing this maneuver – just keep your head on a swivel, so to speak, and you can still spot your contract or pursuer when necessary, regardless of whether you’re drawing attention to yourself by constantly being in high-profile.  W.)

In my experience, repeatedly Bowling someone (this is especially fun if they are a roofer and you are consistently knocking them off of their golden perch) is incredibly effective. Players who this has been used on have typically left the match after no more than two games. And if you get more than one person Bowling, you can probably cut that time in half.

Take care. With great power, comes great….well, you get the picture. Do not wield this powerful weapon with reckless abandon. Do not use on players who are not properly deserving, unless you wish to earn the ire of the entire lobby. But we all know the sad state of players you see out there on a daily basis. Sometimes I see little other choice than to exact a small, yet healthy, amount of revenge. It’s all fair. What goes around, comes around.

That and I really, really hate getting taunted.

(Especially by me.  <grins sheepishly> That’s not true, to be honest.  I hate taunting, too.  Please refrain from it, unless you have cause to do so, like the aforementioned reasoning, or because you’re attempting to complete the related challenges.  Have fun out there, folks.  W.)

*  These statistics have absolutely no backing, whatsoever. (Indeed, take them with a grain of salt, kids.  W.)